It's only the 7th day of 2009 and things have changed considerably here in suburbia this year. Any of you who visit regularly will know that things in the garden have not always been rosy. When you have lived like that for a long time, it is a relief to change everything.
Lots of people make changes in the new year but we're not talking resolutions here. Resolutions come and go and no one keeps many of them, yet we all do it again the following year. But this is different. Things have got progressively better, or worse depending on your perspective, every day since the first of the month. It is a strange path to follow, but it feels more right than anything else I have ever done, and I'm not one for decision making on a small scale!
Tomorrow Husband is going to his sisters to stay for a while. It is a good thing, for he needs to talk to someone else about what has happened. I will enjoy the time here without him and will not miss his presence, unless the children are both vomiting at the same time, in which case an extra pair of hands always comes in useful!
Meanwhile the children are in blissful ignorance. I know they will adapt, I did, others do.
Some of you will think of me as selfish. It is funny how one can keep a household together for so long yet all at once, suddenly become the one who is to blame. I can live with the title, time will tell the rest of the story.
You seem to be coping well. I hope things turn out right for you. x
I am sorry to hear this but feel that sometimes it is better to take steps early on, rather than stay together for the sake of the children hoping things will change when they rarely do.
The children will adapt in time and sometimes they are better off IF there are constant rows (and you have never said there are.)
Good luck whatever you decide to do eventually. Follow your heart & inclinations.
You must always do what feels - deeply, existentially - right. If it truly feels right it is right. If it doesn't, you can guarantee that something's wrong. And you've clearly reached that conclusion now. And once reached, something has to change. Good luck with it, whatever it might be.
changes within families are never easy, are they? hope in all circumstances ahead that everyone can find support and new wisdoms.
I'm here if you need me SUb!!! Breathe and hold those children closer...
You know I wish you happiness and good luck in this new year and possibly new life. Sometimes it's best to face things head-on and find a resolution. At least you both have time to think things through and decide what is best.
If it feels right, then it is right.
he rest is just part of the process while the storm dies down.
I found when it was my turn that the children will cope best if you can do this without arguing, or using them against your partner. You are both their parents and they can love you both for that. It is hard sometimes to keep lips shut and not disparage or run down a partner to the children, but important to aim for, however you come to feel about each other.
You are very brave Suburbia. My parents have had a very volatile relationship as in "a great big love affair". I've never been able to cope with the "tension" even though I am sure they love each other deeply.
What I'm trying to say is that I agree with Fi and I'm sure you'll do the right thing - what's best for you and the family. I never think that anyone is right or wrong in these matters. Best of luck and big hugs. Hxx
I could tell it was on the cards, i hope all goes well for both of you, it may not always be easy but then things that are important never are. here for you, Brett
Oh, 'Burb my sweetie. I sincerely hope you both get what you need. :)
Sometimes staying truly alive is about being bold and brave. Go well, dear one and bon courage.
It's amazing how it just 'happens' isn't it? I'm sure a couple of months ago you could never have envisaged that within a few short weeks things would be so different.
You will be fine. It might get a bit stressful from time to time, but you will be fine.
Sorry to hear of your troubles. I moved back and forth from First Husband thinking "for better for worse" etc. Once I had made a final decision life started moving forwards. I do wish you and your family every happiness in the future.
I'm very pleased and also sad for you. Adult decisions are always hard, as they involve both gain and loss.
PS: If people brand you selfish, it will speak not of your decisions, but of their own processes and needs.
PPS: I believe that care of self is a primary duty. Without that, how can you properly care for anyone else?
Agree with Hadriana, oh, and everyone! Just one tip from me... In families there is a Triangle... you, husband, children. When the dynamics change (he isnt there) the children need to know that the Triangle still is. Love doesnt enter into it. Just a partnership between you and your husband. My ex and me (he was Totally Bloody Useless Father) still speak, And I tell my son when I speak to him and tell him news from his dad. (lives in California) Son knows that me and dad love him collectively. And thats a good thing. God, how I hate to lecture... hope you dont mind. I did. Everyone had their say. So you probably will mind too... will stop now. XXX
As Maggie May says, follow your heart and inclinations and things will work out. Best of luck.
This sounds as if is what has been building up for a while.
I feel that it will all turn out for the best in the end.
Love and support from over here.
Always, always, say good things about their father to the children.
Suburbia, have missed you!
Let people think what they want. Sod 'em. You don't get thanks for anything you do. Your true friends won't blame you and thats the main thing.
i know it will be hard for you as a temporary single parent but i can't help feeling that little stab of envy. did i just say that?
will be here for you xxxx
What will be, will be. I do hope that you can sort things out.
I'm sorry that it's come to this, after all, but I'm sure it wasn't a decision that you made lightly. I hope that everything works out in the best way possible.
A life without passion--without joy--truly isn't a life at all, is it? Your children are strong. As are you. Now go live.
Don’t know what to say. It always hurts, but life’s too short. Maybe time apart will change the way you feel... or confirm it. Best Wishes.
No, you are not to blame, you are simply the one facing up to the fact that things are not right and you are doing something about it. Good luck.
Tough decisions are never easy but they are better than no decision.
Oh, suburbia, I've only just read this! I haven't visited anyone for a few days and this is what happens when i miss!
Lots of love. WE'll talk soon.
Best of luck to you. At least a decision has been made, always better than uncertainty, no matter how hard.
I too have been remiss in my looking in and commenting.
Although from your previous posts I am not surprised at your post one little bit. I am sadly quite good at reading between the lines....... ;0(
I wish you, and your lovely children, all the luck in the world, sometimes things feel and look better when we have actually made a decision.
A new start, however difficult it may prove, is sometimes better than drifting along and coming to no particular conclusion.
You know my adage, "life is too short"........
And it is too short to live unhappily.
I hope you keep posting, I enjoy your thoughts and your blog.
My thoughts are with you.
ps how funny blogger word verification today for me was "dersitim" (!!)
ps I have not blogged for days mainly due to nothing to blog about! Strangely the dog has blogged much more than me, which kinda says something about my life at the moment!
Have lurked on the periphery for so long,Suburbia, and have enjoyed reading your posts enormously. From one who has been down that road, my pearls of wisdom are...always be true to yourself and be bold. You won't always feel as if you are doing the right thing but trust your instincts always.I am ten years further down that road and there is no question now, that I did the right thing. Bless you, sweetheart...just know that there are folk out here willing you on. Take care.x
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