Almost daily diary!

Monday, January 26, 2009


Time, in this house, moves so slowly. I arrived home at 4 pm with the children today, to find Husband already home. My heart sank. I like to come home to an empty house, not for any particular reason, I just like to faff around for a bit before I make the dinner and I feel more relaxed without him here.

So, instead of chatting to the children and putting on the computer, I started to prepare dinner long before I needed to. I kept checking the time, each moment seemed so long. I felt caged, all the things I wanted to do were in the other room where he was.

We ate early even though we didn't need to and then there seemed nothing to do until Tall Girl needed to go out. The hours seemed empty and wasted.

In stark contrast, I had spent my day with a good friend. From 9 'till 3 the hours just flew by. Time is such a cruel master. Just when you want more time, it runs out, yet when you wish away the hours until the next excitement, time drags it's heals at snails pace. If only I could move the hours around a bit, more here, less there, just rearrange them for a while, until all this is over..........


Eternal Worrier said...

"When a man sits with a pretty girl for an hour it seems like a minute. But let him sit on a hot stove for a minute – and it’s longer than an hour. That’s relativity.”
Albert Einstein

Liz Hinds said...

It's not going to be easy but you can do it, girl. xx

Maggie May said...

Oh..... it seems such a terrible thing to feel like this. Couldn't you just get on with the things you wanted to do? Or would that have caused a big problem?

Tim Atkinson said...

What an awful situation to be in, Sub. Fingers crossed for you!

Kitty said...

Time feels like that for a reason - if you didn't feel how you felt in either instance, the time would be the same. The fact that it wasn't says it all. x

Jennysmith said...

My poor sweetie. Yes, that sort of thing takes the wind out of your sails.

Funny, Husband took a half day today. What a pain in the arse! He shut us out of the bedroom - we sleep downstairs - he pulls the blinds down, so it looked nice and grim for house viewers today. And then you feel you have to be quiet. And yes, time feels very different.

thinking of you xxxxx

Saz said...

I must have misunderstood, l thought he had moved out....I shall go back and reread....I've missed something crucial methinks..hang on in there babe..

in and out, thats it...deeply now..


Suburbia said...

Saz, are you mad?!!! He says he won't leave! Watch this space.........

Mean Mom said...

That was awkward, then. Couldn't you turn on the computer and bury yourself in blogland? I often find I forget where I am and don't even hear people speak to me, when I'm blogging.

Saz said...

you said he had left a few posts back must have been just for the day? sorry..I told you l'm thick!

Lindsay said...

I also thought he had moved out. Must be really difficult if you are still under the same roof. Good luck.

Rose said...

Suburbia, I guess I'm "thick" like Saz; I thought he had left for awhile. Oh, I do know this feeling about time...and you think of all the time you're wasting when you could be doing something you really enjoy. Hang in there; there's got to be a way out of this.

Anonymous said...

Oh dear, sounds like a stalemate, in more ways than one.

The atmosphere thickens,
Tense adults, chirpy kids, awkward movements and hushed phone calls.

I remember listening to my ipod, or disappearing for a bath or anything except going into the sitting room at the same time. I even stopped watching TV, which shows anything's possible.

Dori said...

Oh, Suburbia! Your home is supposed to be your refuge, your sanctuary, isn't it? So sorry you're going through all of this!

Sass said...

I was thinking, 'cool, I'm not the only one who likes it when I have the house to myself.'

now I realise you have a whole load of other stuff going on. Sorry you have that to deal with.

blogthatmama said...

Sorry Suburbia I thought he'd gone as well but I haven't been on line for a while. Good luck sounds difficult. Blogthatmamax

Akelamalu said...

How awkward, you didn't have to feed him too did you? :(

Letty - A Little Girl With A Curl said...

Hellish to feel like this. I feel for you. I love these lyrics, copied and pasted below at the end of my comment, and yes, I am a total music freak!

However, these feelings you expressed so well in this post, kinda proves you need to move away from this dead end situation, however difficult it is.

To be with someone, and to enjoy their company and never, ever want them to be apart from you. Time in a bottle if you like, is what you must seek.

Sorry, perhaps saying too much (again!) but I feel you are ready to take your leap in the dark, if only He would let you. Feeling trapped like this is doing none of you any good.

Please forgive my plain speaking, and I quite understand if you don't want to publish this comment of mine.

Easily written by me, who is in a good place with someone I never want to part with. I want this situation, so much for you, even though we have never met, I feel a connection.

Life, as I always say, is too short for thinking time is a cruel master. And for thinking hours empty and wasted. Grab time by the horns Suburbia!

"If I could save time in a bottle
The first thing that Id like to do
Is to save every day
Till eternity passes away
Just to spend them with you

If I could make days last forever
If words could make wishes come true
Id save every day like a treasure and then,
Again, I would spend them with you

But there never seems to be enough time
To do the things you want to do
Once you find them
Ive looked around enough to know
That youre the one I want to go
Through time with

If I had a box just for wishes
And dreams that had never come true
The box would be empty
Except for the memory
Of how they were answered by you

But there never seems to be enough time
To do the things you want to do
Once you find them
Ive looked around enough to know
That youre the one I want to go
Through time with"

Time In A Bottle - Jim Croce

Hopefully you will find someone soon who makes you feel like these words. I feel it in my bones, your time for this is due.

Letty ;0)))))))) Who only means well.

cheshire wife said...

I know this must be very difficult but you will have to remember what this feels like in order to justify to yourself that you are doing the right thing. I am sure that you can do it.

Casdok said...

Time is a strange creature. And so are husbands!

Elizabeth said...

Hm.........this is really difficult indeed.
Why does he still trust you to feed him.........?
If this were a Moroccan fairy tale I doubt he would.

Poor you. What a hideous stalemate and probably not good for the children.
Do you have a good lawyer?
(delete this if you want)

Barbara said...

Time can be just like that, hang in there!

this is my patch said...

My mum left in the end with nothing. She went on to find happiness and re-married. Things will turn out fine, it just takes time and some uncomfortable moments. x