Almost daily diary!

Monday, January 18, 2010

Small Sprogs worries

It is Sunday evening and I am snuggled in bed with Small Sprog. We are both tired and have had a lovely day together which culminated in dancing in the kitchen to very loud music. Now is a moment for quiet time together.

In the dark, lying next to him, I am listening as he describes our new home, a pretend home, one he has never seen or been to. It has a green staircase and the hall has a stone floor. He doesn't like the cold floor or the colour of the stairs. Through a green door is the living room, there is a fire place with a copper chimney breast, he doesn't like the copper. There is a comfy chair and a rug and a big TV. He likes this room, but says it has the feeling of belonging to an old person. In the kitchen there is a shiny cooker and a tumble dryer and a very small TV. I think it is a happy house. In the attic there is a box. 'What is in the box?' I ask.
'Your secrets' He says, you can't look in there. 'But there is another box, my box, where I keep my secrets' He carries on 'And Tall Girl has a box with a mirror in it that you gave to her'

I am entranced at his descriptions, his depth of feeling, his imagination. I can see it all, just as he is describing it. There is a box for worries too, he says. One where you write your worries on some paper, tear it up and put the bits in the box. There is another box for wishes. You write the wishes down and put the paper in the pond. When you pick the paper from the pond the words have floated up to heaven for God to read, then you put the paper back into the wishes box.

He describes to me how the boxes are decorated, his, Tall Girls and mine. I listen carefully, knowing that this conversation is well overdue. He has not been himself of late. I have been away too much and he has bottled up his fears and worries. We all tend to keep him safe from the truth, he doesn't have the full picture. He is worried about the future. He says it is all so confusing.

Tonight I made him a promise that I hope I can keep; I told him we would be happy eventually and that everything would work out fine. I told him to remember two things: To trust me that everything will be ok and that if he wanted to talk to someone, then he should talk to a very lovely lady at his school. I promised him that she would listen and not tell, I know for a fact that that would be the case. I hope I have done enough.

I love him.

We need to move on, for all our sakes.


Jennysmith said...

Happy new year sweetie. Feel i haven't been to visit for ages!

Lovely and significant piece as always xxxx

Maggie May said...

Oh...... that almost had me crying.
Small Sprog has such imagination. Those boxes sound good therapy. I think he will end up being a writer.
I am sure that things will get better soon.

Nuts in May

nick said...

Small Sprog has a great imagination. You should give serious thought to what he could do with it in later years. And I hope as things start moving in a more positive direction SS becomes happier and less confused.

Working Mum said...

Poor mite. It must be confusing for him, but you have reassured him well. Glad that he has people to talk to.

Steve said...

The promises you made will be fulfilled because they are true of us all. We all have to weather storms occasionally but none of them last forever. Blue skies will come again.

Chic Mama said...

Wow, he sounds so intuitive. I'm sure he will be fine. He is talking to you and that is brilliant. I hope you won't have to wait too long to carry out your promises. X

Eternal Worrier said...

That is so sad :(

Brighton Mum-Teenage Angst said...

What a wonderful little sprog you have! I'm sure the lovely, imaginative conversation was therapy for you both. Those are promises which can be kept, nothing stays the same forever.

Furtheron said...

I think this is a heartwarming post. Yes it is difficult for him and no way he can understand the grown up world he is having to experience. However he is talking about it and his imagination is stunning... he will go far

Carol said...

The fact that he can talk to you (and has someone he can talk to without fear of it being repeated) is HUGE!! He's using imagination as a way of dealing with and expressing his fears...which is a very healthy thing to do!

I don't think you need to worry about your will definitely be able to keep them!!

I hope things start moving for you

C x

MissKris said...

Hindsight is so much better than foresight! In my years of turmoil as a teen, I had a teacher I thought a lot of ask me, "Is everything ok? You can talk to me if you need to." Oh, how I wish I could've unburdened myself to her!! But trust was something I sorely lacked at that time in my life. I do hope Small Sprog will talk to the lady at school if needs arise in his life to do so. I so wish I could've talked to my teacher!!

Liz Hinds said...

That's fascinating. When I saw an arts therapist we talked about the box in the attic and what would be in it. It looks like SS already has his box sussed and won't be in need of therapy from anyone else!