Almost daily diary!

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Best bits?

The lovely Dulwich Divorcee tagged me with a task / meme which is to write about my five best bits of 2009.

I must have at least five, I thought to myself as I looked briefly through last years posts. I know I have had some very heady moments over the last year, though often I have not been able to write about them. Most of these have been with my S.O: Getting to know him; spending time together; our holiday and snatched weekends all of which have culminated in a whole year of best bits.

Those best bits though, have been interspersed with the turmoil of still living here as a family. Feeling a stranger in my own home, and seeing the children attempting to cope with their new reality. It has been an emotional roller coaster of a year, and I had no idea it would flow so smoothly into the next. Nothing much, on the surface seems to have changed. Yet while re reading some of 2009's early entries in order to remember my best bits, I realised I have moved on a little, if only in accepting things I cannot immediately change, being completely certain of what I am doing, and, very strangely, accepting my present circumstances here as a new sort of reality and way of living that although unwanted, I can manage to exist with. Just.

Whilst reading I realised why I don't often look through my posts from last year, particularly the early part of it. It is all too recent. Saying that, it is a new year and I am itching to move on more than ever.

Last week I did manage to make my mediation appointment despite the snow. The mediator, put me at ease, talked me through how things would be and took some of my worries on board. He seemed very sympathetic, but then that is his job.

It seems husband has also been there and agreed to the process. The next step is for the two of us to be in a room together, with the mediator, to thrash out custody arrangements for the children. A date has been set. We have 90 minutes to get through and further appointments if not enough ground is made. I am dreading it. He can bully me and speak over me very well. The mediator is there for a reason. I hope he is good at his job. I have a bottom line regarding arrangements, I know what I want and what I will concede. I hope he has a compromise in mind too.

So all being said and done, a new year does not really mean a new start, not yet, not for me. I have said it before but this time last year I really thought it would all be over, done and dusted. How wrong I was, how glad I am that I didn't know!

So rather than best bits, here are some good things that have come out of the last year; perhaps next year I will post my best bits.

I no longer live in the past.

I am learning how to be thankful.

I am loved.

I have some wonderful friends.

I have the opportunity to be the sociable person I once was.

All in all I have 'found myself', not completely, but enough to realise I didn't like living in the shadows. I am lucky, and one day I will realise my goal.


Rose said...

I think the fact you have found yourself is a major accomplishment for the year! You have grown and gotten stronger, too, as the year progressed. By next year, you may have a long list of "best bits" to write about!

Glad to see you posting today--I was wondering if you were still snowed in.

Suburbia said...

Hi Rose, I was snowed in on and off, it doesn't take much snow to do that here!However the weather seemed to know when it was my day off work, so I didn't really benefit when the school closed! Hope all is well with you :)

Cherished By Me said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Suburbia said...

Comment left above by Chic Mama:

It's so hard looking back isn't it. I agree if we knew how long these processes take at the beginning it would make it seem all the more daunting.
I'm pleased the appointment was okay and I hope you don't have to wait too long for the joint one so you can hopefully start moving forward. XX

Tim Atkinson said...

That's a wonderfully upbeat new year post. It looks like you've moved (or scaled) several mountains there, and very soon the mist will clear and you'll be able to enjoy the view!

Suburbia said...

Thanks a lot Dott, don't feel that great right now but need to keep positive.

Jason said...
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nick said...

That does sound very positive, as if the fog and murk is gradually clearing and you're emerging into a brighter, sunnier place. I hope the mediator is good enough at his job to prevent husband bullying and browbeating, as you say he might do, and help you to get a fair deal.

Furtheron said...

I think your best bits are pretty impressive actually, esp given your current situation.

Good luck with the mediation.

Reasons said...

Yes you will. I understand the frustration of wanting things to move/change faster...but I think you and I have watched each other learn a little more than our fair share of patience over the past year, and perhaps gained the knowledge that we have the strength to pull through. Good luck fellow warrior woman!

Steve said...

If the mediator is worth his salary he will enable you to have a voice without being raliroaded by your husband! Good luck with it!

French Fancy... said...

Your five good things from last year are five of the best things anyone could ever wish for. I so hope by this time next year you have all these potential problems behind you.

thinking of you


Carol said...

Rediscovering yourself is a HUGE thing and one that you should be really really proud of!! It's very easy to be complacent...breaking out of that is incredibly difficult. Credit where credit is due hon...if I was wearing a hat I would take it off to you!!

This will all be worth it in the end!!

C x

cheshire wife said...

Steve is right the mediator should make sure that your aren't bullied, that is his job. Best of luck with it!

Saz said...

oh golly, sub, that made me all teary and l can s relate to all you say, as you know!
Hope next week wont be too lonely for you..keep in touch, text, chat...l'll not be far!!

in out in out...

saz xoxox

Working Mum said...

As you say, even a year ago is still too recent during the process of divorce. However, you have recognised the progress you have made so far and this must be a comfort for you as take the next steps. Good luck.

PS If it reassures you - my friend was a mediator and her job was to ensure that no one got bullied, everyone had a chance to speak and that all parties reached a solution that they were happy with so that there were no recriminations later. She trained for a long time (after becoming a solicitor) to do this job because she didn't want any children to go through a difficult divorce like she did when she was young. That's what mediators do.

Eternal Worrier said...

Hey I like those 5 things. I almost feel jealous. Was beginning to wonder where you had got to!

Maggie May said...

The mediator will not let him walk all over you. That is what he is there for to keep the peace.

I like the list of things that you have learned. Each one of those is for me too.

Nuts in May

Liz Hinds said...

Overall a positive memory of the year I think and so much to look forward to.

Letty - A Little Girl With A Curl said...

I have lots to catch up with, I only realised the other day how remiss I had been with my personal blog, and catching up with all my favourite ones, yours of course!

I will read and comment more later, just to say I think you are doing fine, and I wish you all the very best for this coming year.

You have the right attitude, you will be fine! easy for me to say, but I just think you will be, if you keep on with the postive stuff!

more later when I get some "me time" to read, write and comment!

lotsaluv, Letty Who Is Mighty Sick of Snow!!!!!!!