Almost daily diary!

Wednesday, February 09, 2011

In the afternoon

When we left court we agreed to go for coffee. It felt strange to be there together, drinking coffee and tea. I needed to be there though, together. He needed it too. We had just gone through a traumatic experience together, ships lost in a storm that had brewed for months, years even.

We drank the first cup, he texted 'The judge was a bastard' several times into his Blackberry. We went over the whole 15 minute process again and again. I needed his company, he was the only one who knew how awful the stress of waiting for an unknown 'other' to make a major decision in your life, was like.

We talked about the children, about how they drive us mad! It was so good to hear that they do the same things, we both still say the same things to them. We are united in childcare if nothing else.

I don't want to let him go. We go to the pub, and are the last to leave.

He talks. I remember how good he is at it. I catch up with all the news, of his friends and work stuff, and we keep coming back to the judge and the court.  It's like we have to keep reminding ourselves that it's all over now, we got through it together, like so many other major events over the last 16 years.

We do the school run together and part company. I suddenly feel very alone. I miss him I guess. I miss the history and the easiness of it, not having to explain, the 'knowing'.

When I first met him I hoped we could just be friends, I never intended it to be more than that. Perhaps now, after all these years, that's just what we can be.


Maggie May said...

Do you know?
I think now you will be really good friends. I guess you can't erase history too easily.
Maggie X

Nuts in May

Miss Sadie said...

Maybe you can be really good friends, and support each other through Tall Girl's and Small Sprog's teen years, and beyond.

I'm not surprised that you feel that history in your bones. It will probably always be part of you. I hope you can build on the best of it.

Furtheron said...

powerful posts this and the last one.

You are in the future now - well the future that has been denied for a long time.

Good luck

Steve said...

Give it time. You both need time to recoil. But your kids will always link you and I think a friendship should definitely be sought.

Eternal Worrier said...

Oh Sub....

Valerie said...

I hope everything goes well for you from now on. Sounds as if you've found out that you and your ex will be better friends now you're apart.

nick said...

Glad to hear you've had a reconciliation of sorts after all the trauma of divorcing. As the others say, I guess now all that pain is over, you can be friends again. Which is good for you and good for the children.

Elizabeth said...

Do you think this means you have reached some sort of peace together?
This felt really positive.
Wishing you all good things.

Hadriana's Treasures said...

Love this post Suburbia. You've encapsulated a lot. I've been to hell and back with my parents and suddenly things seem back on an even keel thankfully...good luck! Hxx

Liz Hinds said...

Oh I hope so. You already sound so much happier.

Rose said...

This is such a lovely post, Suburbia. It's hard to make a break with someone with whom you've shared so much; I do hope you can be friends now.